Everyone in the bus is so exposed at night...they are they only ones in the boxed world of florescent light; they pop out on the road, floating sharply on plowing bus sounds. We see everything they do, if only in a flash.

I wonder if they are conscious of their place in the light.
They are out there.
Do they realize it?
Do they care?

I love dreaming. It's so satisfying. I wish I were doing it right now...

Riding back with complex emotions at 2:30am, a kiss on the cheek that made me cry because it was so perfect; made me feel so loved. And I honestly missed him for those few hours that they were wiring him with white, sterile-smelling paste that didn't let him sleep. Sweet...

and today, homework that I don't want to do but is hard to get out of. It's only the second week. To skip now would *be* weak. I can forego philosophy and read it later, since we are not held personally accountable in class, unless he keeps track of how often we speak. And all these other small tasks that won't get done today--living is hard to get done. I am almost out of toothpaste, and booking flights is a hassle.

There might be too much for me, but I might hit my stride and find a way to fit everything in. More microwavable food will definitely help.

new theory

life is a chronic unhappiness, unfulfillment.
i am so sick of kids it makes me sick.
this is it; there is nothing else. sure, there are choices within the grand scheme, but really, everything is mapped out. there is nothing else but life or extinction. and both kinda suck

thought(s)

those movies that give the main character some cool power just so he can abuse it and realize that he shouldn't have it in the first place, or realize what he's got already. like "it's a wonderful life" or "bruce almighty" or this new one, "click." well, i want someone to make a movie where the main character does NOT learn a fucking "life lesson" and just keeps on doing whatever the fuck they want without repurcussions or at least without regrets. and have that be the movie. hm...i hope it's been done. because i hate these other ones. they blow and are so over-done. we KNOW, already! we're supposed to be grateful for the time we have, waht we have, wahtever. but that's sort of bullshit. life is pain. the good things we have are just going to bite us in the ass, eventually. the people we let ourselves get close to, love even, are going to leave us one way or another, and that hurts like hell, and we hurt other people like hell, not to mention all the other living beings in the universe, emotionally or otherwise. life sucks. and i'm definitely questioning it, and questioning questioning, because if this is what there is, i want a new system. i want something less painful for everyone. because i'm pretty sure the good stuff isn't worth the shit that inevitably goes down.

It's Almost Renn Fayre...

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!