etic understanding of scenes

always on the outside looking in
never quite a PART of something
a fringe participant, sure
but usually outside
observing

and isn't that where i like it?
where it's best?
because what would life be like without the longing?

privilege breeds discontent? whine to no one

i'm old
i have a degree that doesn't matter because i don't do anything with it
i'm depressed
making me even lazier
and i keep leaving places where i have friends
this makes me more depressed

what a mess
how to dig out? how to be real, get a life? get a fucking life.
most people have real problems.
dumbass rich white girl


seriously.
no one will ever want you again
not like this

living life in the wrong places

should i have stayed?
of course, if only because i should always have gone somewhere different from where i am now
should always have made a different choice
am always living wrong

i don't even know how to be an adult
perhaps how to begin, but things are too easy for me

i've GOT to get out of here
and start living
for real.