waking up is not fair

i just had the best dream...
a bunch of people were all jammed in a car together, which was way too long across to be real, and sometimes the seats were back-to-back, not in forward-facing rows. probably not with enough seat-belts. yonas was there, as well as the cute guy (sigh). i drove the car backwards on the freeway and then asked everyone if it was okay to turn it around as i changed lanes. they said yes since i was changing lanes to the right. heh. so i did. almost hit the car in the next lane. not sure where we were going. i also remember an earlier part of the dream where i was in a bookstore/girft shop with golf gear and i took a hat off the rack and a metal sesor came un-attached to another and it made a beep. it was also my mom's bday and she thought i forgot.

but these are not the good parts. the good part was when we were all in the car, and i wasin the back seat between cute guy and someone else, who shook my hand. i said, "if that's what you think a big hug and kiss is, then you're in trouble," joking ly. then cute guy said, "yeah, you have to lean in..." or something, then he kissed me on the cheek and slid his arm around me. felt wonderful and exciting, but i pulled away after a moment, shy. damn. but it was real. it meant he was interested. and then he was sitting up front ahead of me and kept trying to reach back and touch me, but kept touching some other girl's feet, instead. occasionally got me. then he wanted to sit up front,a nd i sat where he had been when he kissed me and understood why he had wanted to move--it was squished! the car had turned into a couch f sorts and we were in yonas' apt with stringed lights taped up and falling own. i accidentally unplugged more, and he was mad that we had ruined his carefully make-shifted light-fixtures. he tried to squish in next to me, and i went on the floor to sleep, and he told me to take the couch. i stayed on the rug, waiting for cute guyt to wake up so we could talk about the kiss....


if only that had been real! damn it, and why do great dreams like that have to end? damn you, alarm clock. damn you, reality...

i should just tell him, but i'm a passive-aggressive woman like that

i shaved my legs
i looked really cute
i got cash in order to pay him back for last week

he wasn't there.

i waited 15 min, then called, left a message, asking if he still wanted to play pool
half an hour later, he called back, saying he got the message and that he was going to stay in tonight. that he went to get a movie and had to study. did not invite me to watch the movie. did not care. did not remember the plans HE made last week.

bastard. i am so interested. i looked forward to this all week. i was going to tell you tonight (maybe) that i found you really attractive and liked you a lot so that you could reject me and i could get over it and then i could ahve a really awesome friend in dc


but no.
you forgot
again
and you don't fucking care