i forgot how stressful college applications are
and i need a third rec. PRONTO
gah!

i am so stupid, and professors need to stop leaving the college.

one tiny complaint

everyone has the same news
i already heard all this on "morning edition," CNN. please tell me something different.

oh, the annoyances of competition and value-judgments about importance.

sometimes, like now

I think that maybe, and I know this is not good, that what would make me happy with my life; happy in general, is if I were in a good relationship. I know I'm supposed to want to be happy by myself, with my accomplishments, and all that modern feminist jazz, but I'm not.
Sometimes I think that if I had a boyfriend, if someone loved me, then I would be happy. Despite the things that would still be bad, like how I am not motivated and I hate where I live or whatever it happens to be that month. Because then, maybe--and I know this wouldn't happen--I would be happy with the good things that I overlook now because I am so lonely.

I can't find one here. There's no way. I can't even find friends.
My two best bets seem to be Portland and graduate school. I could get to the former if I could get myself to move, and I could get to the latter if I could get myself to finish these damn applications (and with a substantial amount of luck).

when i say i am going to do things, i should actually do them

especially when they are important
especially when i tell other people
important people
people who i want to hold me accountable

i wonder if it's too late to apply to other schools this round...if so, i MUST look into spring semester applications. i'm only so young, and i can't keep letting the years aimlessly fall past much longer.

ugh

long beach: only slightly larger than fargo

man, i love free wireless...