realization of no help

I'm in a somewhat self-imposed limbo for a few reasons and today I realized that I am lost without structure. In general. That's just my personality; why I gravitate back to school type environments, because that is a structure I know. The only one, except for work, from which I tend to flee because of commitment issues. So I'm lost without structure and in limbo about making a next move, any next move. And I also know that certain structures make me unhappy...or aspects that come along with them do. So all of this makes decisions even more difficult to arrive at.

add to that my laziness and procrastination, and i'm stuck until someone yells at me or makes the guilt of not doing anything salient. notices that i'm really a waste like this. that i'm a mooch.

because the willpower to make declarations that motivate are gone.
lost

happiness used to be the goal. but now that seems so selfish. and there are too many components to keep track of, anyway. so i guess the real goal, at this point, should be a decision. towards a structure. so i don't have to try and make too many more decisions without structured guidance.

maybe all of this is just a sad clinging to childhood, long after such urges should be gone.