God is a spaghetti monster

I want david to be someone he's not. And he wants me to be something I'm not. Okay, I could be less uptight. But yeah. I want him to be happy and normal, but retain his quirky wonderfulness, and i want him to want to be with me. And I also wish I were more like Amanda or Piera. Because then we'd get along better in public. It's not good, that we're so good together, except in public. And he won't meet my family. And I won't let him go.

I just wish it would work. I want to be with him, normally-ish. But I pretty much know I can't ahve that with him.

There is more to this mess, but I don't want to think about it right now. Or more than I ahve to. Even though I should probably get help. Because I can't do this alone. I can't save him alone.